Feelin' My Size

I cannot sleep. I went to bed at 9, and I just cannot get comfortable. My back is really bugging me. I am at least comfortable sitting here at the computer, but laying down is not. I would like to know what the heck I did to it, but honestly I cannot think of a thing. But as I recall this started on Friday or Saturday. It sure does suck, that is all I know.

I asked my father today when he came for a visit when he had his back surgery. Apparently he was quite young, 34. He had another surgery a year after that. So who knows, maybe it is something in our family genes. Chips back bothers him frequently too.

All and all, I think I need to make an appointment at the doctors. I have not been seen by a doctor since I had Nicholas. He is two and a half now. There are lots of potential problems I could have. The number one thing that would have everything to do with everything is my weight. I am heavier than I ever thought I would be in my life.

I have always been overweight. Even in elementary school. I can remember getting weighed regularly and how embarrassing it was. Being called "Big Mama". Whoa, time warp there for a second. Point being, I am what would be considered "morbidly obese" Sometimes when I look in the mirror I wonder how it happened. I don't like the way my body is, even though my husband says I am beautiful no matter what (what a guy huh?) We both really want to work on our weight. Our health issues will never improve otherwise.

Well, I didn't really intend on crabbin about being a fatty but sometimes you just need to blurt it all out to get things into perspective. I guess you can say that I feel like I am overweight. I never really felt that way, I felt as though even though I knew I was a hefty gal, I could keep up with the feather weights. But, alas it's not the case. I need to gain control of this not only for my health, but for my kids. They need healthy parents with good eating habbits who can keep up with their soon to be very active lives. Not a mom stuck at home on the couch cause she couldn't stop after just one oreo and now her back is shot because her body cannot handle the weight. *sigh* I love my children and will overcome this if for no one but them. I am done now. I am gonna try to get cumfy, nestled with my heating pad and advil and call it a night.